Sinful
by Hushabye
Summary: The Joker commits the Seven Deadly Sins in the span of a day. As always.


**This one chapter story was made out of a bored creative spurt. If you are a strong Christian, I suggest not reading this. I myself am a Christian, but I'm not a strong practicer, so if _you _are and are easily offended by stories like this, please don't flame me because of it. This is merely supposed to be a somewhat humorous, random story anyway, not an offensive read. Also, the lust part involves no sex, but lusty feelings and _somewhat _lusty actions. I wanted to keep it teen rated material. Don't judge me because of that fact, alrighty? In fact, don't judge/flame me at all. Flames are used to toast my gooey marshmallows.**

**So... ya'll ready for dis? -CUE random fighting music- LOL... don't ask. xD**

**Sinful**

**The Seven Deadly Sins**

**The Joker commits the Seven Deadly Sins in the span of a day. As always.**

_1) Pride/Vanity_

The Joker reached out and touched the mirror with his bare hands, feeling the smooth texture of the glass. It prickled his fingers in such a way, creating feelings that he understood well and had most often.

_Who's the best?_ he repeatedly asked himself. _I am_, he would answer, smiling that unforgettable smile. _Who triumphs over all the scum and rats of this city? I do. Who is more fortunate than Batsy? Oh, yes. I am._

He chuckled and applied a fresh coat of makeup, a certain high rising up through his lungs. Yes, he _was _handsome, lucky, and more important than everyone else. He was God of Gotham and he knew it.

Turning away from his finished work of art, he flicked off the battery-powered lamp, and whistled a tune as he walked out to fully begin his day.

_2) Envy_

"Hey, Boss…" Grumpy stated as the Joker descended into the dark lobby of the abandoned motel. Dust and cobwebs littered the nooks and crannies inside the room, making a more eerie effect. The floor was once linoleum, but now it seemed more like dirt as everything around the area crumbled. A domino effect performed so beautifully. "What are we doin' today?"

"Don't ask him _that!_" Happy exclaimed, glaring at Grumpy through his eye holes. They covered his eyes like velvety darkness. "He never has a plan. We just follow him without questions… Ain't that right, Boss?"

The Joker still whistled, a hum under his breath. He tapped his foot a couple of times and turned away from his henchmen. They both stared at him in anticipation. Both hoped they hadn't said the wrong thing. The Joker, unrenowned to the two, gripped a pistol in his purple hand. He whirled around like a bird on roller skates and shot Happy in the face. The bullet pierced through the clown mask and ripped Happy's skin with pure joke.

"_That-t's _right, me boy o," he said, no laughter on his face, but plenty in his eyes. Grumpy shifted in his seat with uneasiness. The Joker plopped down on the sofa, seemingly unawares of the phenomena that had taken place not merely two seconds ago, and picked up the remote on the stand next to him, switching on the battery juiced TV. For a cast aside building had no power. It's authentic fact.

News flashed before the two beings as another thug waltzed in, sitting on the chair once occupied by Happy. Happy slid to the ground with cold death.

The Joker crossed his legs, right over left, and seemed to become suckered into the bulletins, stories, and upcoming events. Surprisingly enough, _Bats_ was featured more than the Joker in these tales of sorrow and defeat that so often filled the television. He felt a certain jealousy seethe through him and he gritted his yellowed teeth. Grumpy and Sleepy glanced at each other with fear of what their leader was going to do next. Of course, his actions were unpredictable yet expected, in a small way. The Joker jumped up suddenly, throwing the remote at the set. The TV screen shattered and blue sparks flew everywhere like fireworks. Grumpy and Sleepy winced as the Joker's breathing boiled hard and ragged.

"_Why _does _that-t _brooding dunderhead get _more attention _than _me?_ _I… __**I**_…do all of the _work! _Why should _he _be credited when _I_ have to _prove that _I need some… ah… some… Brownie points!" he said in a rage and continued to stand in place with a burning feeling of loathing. Grumpy cleared his throat, way out of line, and the Joker cocked his head toward him, a scary gleam in his eyes. Grumpy should've remembered that the gun still occupied his hand, but he forgot everything as he said, "Boss… your hair just turned greener, I think…"

The Joker's shoulders started to droop as he relaxed a little and he smiled Grumpy's way. His smile wasn't genuine. _Oh _no. He pointed the weapon at Grumpy as a muffled "No.. wait…" escaped his lips. A shot flew through his stomach, knocking the wind out of him, and causing him to die slowly and painfully.

The Joker glanced at Sleepy menacingly. "Would _you_ like to compliment me on my seemingly _brave _and _ironic _choice of hair color?" Sleepy savagely shook his head as the Joker slumped back into the couch. He sighed and toyed with the armament in his palm, gazing at the TV with a lost look in his eye. "_Damn… _now _I… __**I**_… have to steal yet _another _television set."

_3) Gluttony_

A couple of hours passed in the Joker's hideout. A few more cronies had died a horrible, brutal death, but somehow, five still remained.

The sky wasn't splattered with stars yet so it wasn't time to go out and commit bodily harm to numerous people. At least not today because the Joker didn't feel like it. Usually he would go out at any time of the day, but for now, he was not amused with the idea. Yet he still didn't want to spend every waking hour with his slaves, but he didn't know what to do at the moment. He was a man of chance not plans. So if something were to come around soon that he enjoyed, he would gladly drop whatever he was doing and go to that far off place of wonder and mayhem.

For the time being, he raided his lifeless laborer's pant and jacket pockets for food items. He ate and ate out of lethargy. He found anything from Little Debbie cakes to sandwiches from drug stores. He felt himself become bloated with edible things. He cackled as he ate. His accomplices looked at him and raised their eyebrows at their captain, luckily not being seen. He would've committed bodily harm to _them_. They shuddered, thinking of their other friends who had suffered the same fate awhile ago, and left him alone.

_4) Lust_

Finally, after a long wait, it was night. And not only was it night, but it was the Joker's night of triumph. He could feel it coursing through his veins and flowing into his bones.

He left his aides at his loving home because he didn't need their help. There were only two of them left anyway. He couldn't help it. Everyone else had either gotten on his nerves, looked at him the wrong way (which is funny because they're wearing masks...), or just stood there when they were supposed to be doing something beneficial for _him,_ not for their own satisfaction.

Heels clicked into his thoughts and he was suddenly annoyed by the rat-a-tat-tat they made on the sidewalk. He cringed and surveyed his surroundings, finding the source of the heels. A woman, about mid-twenties with short brown hair and and an attractive figure, walked steadily down the paved walkway. She looked busy, fidgeting with an object in her hand. Though she wasn't looking ahead, her steps were perfect and stealthy. _How did they do it?_

_Must be a model,_ the Joker thought, feeling an arousal poke around in his pants. Bloodshed of the beautiful kind. His favorite. He chuckled silently, thinking of his great fortune and of her stupidity for roaming the night when a notorious criminal was on the loose. _What fools these mortals be_. _A Midsummer Night's Dream _did not lie with that quote. Old Will Shakespeare wasn't _just _another dead person. He was another dead person who had told the unfamiliar truth. Hell... even the _title _told the truth about the setting in which the fool can be found.

_... And let the truth be told!_ the Joker thought as he skipped merrily with quiet feet. The female target didn't seem to notice at all, too busy paying attention to the thing she worked with her long, slender fingers. He chuckled again as he neared her, coming to find out that it was a cell phone in her palm. The one thing everybody from little kiddies to wrinkled grown ups in depends had. Yes indeed, even _he _admitted to owning a gadget of vast popularity. One thing he did not do often was give in to the trends of the world today, but for cellys, he'd made a small exception.

A meek gasp escaped the girl's throat as she glanced up at his advancing shadow and finally saw the man before her. Her eyes clouded with worry and self pity. _Oh, yes, deary. Give in to me. _She dropped her phone. It smashed into a billion pieces of technology and mechanical parts on the dense path. The sidewalk was possibly as dense, or even more dense, than she was. He smirked at that thought.

"_Hell-oooo, angel fac-eee_," he drawled out, making sure his words bit her like venom. He could tell they did for she recoiled, just like a snake defending itself. _Ah ha ha ha ha..._

"Oh, don't be _scared. _You're too _beau-tiful _to be scared. Those looks will get you, ah... _very _far in life, baby cakes," he told her, drawing out his knife from his suit pocket. It gleamed underneath the light post. She shivered.

"For your... i-_information_, buddy, I'm a-as far in l-life as I can... f-_fit,"_ she weakly retorted. He shook his head and clucked his tongue. "I don't _think _so, sweets. Have you ever, ah... had _encounters _of the _violent _kind? 'Cause, baby, that's as _far _as life will be able to _carry _you 'til you _croak_," he stated, letting the blade run over her smooth, flawless skin. She shook ferociously.

"_Please_, Joker. I'm s-sorry for what I... s-said before. Just please... _don't _hurt me," she pleaded, changing her tone somewhat so she sounded sincere. Which she pathetically was anyway.

The Joker looked up at the endless sky and then back at her, seeming to ponder her request. "Don't you worry your _purrrtty_, little _face_, honey. I'm _not going to hurt you_. I'm just going to, ummm... _kill you..._ quickly and possibly painlessly, alright-_y?_" he asked, shaking his head 'yes' in a failed attempt at being reassuring. He gradually cut her cheek, letting the skin break sluggishly and buttery-like. She squealed in severe ache.

"_Please..._ I'll d-do anything you _say..._" she barely said, squeezing her eyes shut. The Joker paused slicing her skin and bore holes through her with his piercing eyes. "_Anything?_" he asked, actually sounding interested in her plea.

She opened her eyes slowly and gazed at him with pitiful hope. "_Anything..._"she whispered, biting her lip unsurely. He laughed on the inside at her feeble attmepts at trying to be brave in giving in to a criminal's demands. That wasn't brave at all, though. In fact, it was quite cowardly and useless. She _must _know that she's going to die in the end, right? He looked harder at her, searching her thoughts and emotions. Nope. She didn't know.

"_Well... _since you said _anything, _I would like for you to... _scream for mercy_... Can you _do _that?"

The girl's lips started to quiver. "H-h_ow?"_

_How? _Was this woman _that _clueless?

"I want you to... _yell out _my name as you _beg for _mercy," he informed her, rolling his eyes. "_Why_?" she asked him as he loosened his hold on her just a _little_. _"Why? _Because you said you'd do anything... _plus, _that would just _really _let out the _lust monster _within me. A maiden in distress is just so... _sexy _and... _soothing_... like a mother singing you a soft lullaby or a priest trying to talk you out of committing suicide... _K, darling dearest?_" he informed her. She raised her brows in confusion at his psychotic ramblings, but let out a large sigh of defeat that should've happened _long_ ago.

The Joker's smile grew and grew as she pleaded, saying his name. "_Joker... _please... _I'm _begging for your _mercy! Joker! Joker, please!_..."

He laughed as he dug deeper into her cheek with his blade. She stopped begging as a bigger distress covered her aura. "What... are y-you... _doing?_" He boomed with laughter some more as he continued to break her open. "_Asking you_ to... _beg for mercy... scream _sanctuary... _die_..." She wriggled underneath his touch only making the knife swim deeper and deeper until he hit bone. She started to cry, he started to feel happy in the pants.

"_That's it_, sweetheart. Make daddy proud..." the Joker stated, taking back his weapon from her face and resting it against her abdomen. She was crying so hard now. She had stopped begging altogether.

Finally, he stabbed her, made her bleed even more. She stumbled backward and fell, a gasp of air escaping her esophagus. He grinned, feeling his state of triumph grow even more. She stared at him with empty eyes as he got down to her level and kissed her mouth with great force. Then he honked her large breast twice, and left. Mr. Happy still was happy as it continued to pulsate. Finally, the dumb broad had died.

_5) Anger/Wrath_

Too many things happened to the Joker after his little encounter with that pretty lady. He had stolen a car, accidentally ran over an old lady (or _was _it accidental?), stole a spray paint can from some bandits, killed them, spray painted a small portion of the side of an empty building (it said things like 'The Bat is a Rat' and 'Joker Rulezz'... only because he thought it was funny, seeing all of the other kids put shit like that on brick walls. And, well, let's face it, _anything _he did was primarily funny. _Most _of the time...), and he blew up another establishment. He wanted to do more, but ended up being halted by a splitting migraine. And, _God, _did he hate those.

He drove with a little more insaneness than normal down the road and screeched into the lot where his living quarters were at. The wheels on the vehicle turned dangerously to the left, making the whole hunk of junk rattle and shake, and the Joker wanted to howl with laughter, but his head ache was too strong. He cursed silently and slammed the door, making it come off its hinges, and stormed into the huge, off white structure. His partners jumped at the sight and sound of the Joker and he growled in response.

"You... _okay_, Boss? You seem more... _uptight _than normal..." Silly stated, trying to have a monotone voice so the Joker wouldn't mistake it for something disgraceful. He did anyway.

In a flurry of strokes, the Joker stabbed and slaughtered the remaining two sidekicks, though Cranky had done nothing whatsoever. The Joker let the two sad sacks limply fall to the ground as his breathing grew jagged with anger for the second time that day. He wasn't in the mood for anybody at the moment. His wrath toward his migraine was too overpowering. The Joker felt his face rise in temperature due to his extreme mood swings as he set the bloody dagger on the table nearest him and frowned.

_6) Greed/Avarice/Covetousness_

Greedily, the Joker ate some more scraps from his "pals'" pockets. His ache gradually faded away as he sat on the torn couch, munching like a mouse eating its fill of cheese. Or_ more _than its fill, in his case.

_How did they get all of this... deliiiciouss food without my seeing?_the Joker wondered as he rifled through a jacket that was once Cranky's. Maybe there were more valuable things inside the confinements of the multiplied hunk of leather... And indeed, there were.

Jewels, money, credit cards, and a couple of weapons littered the inside of the jacket. Though the Joker did not care much for _most _material possessions, in this predicament, he'd made another exception. Only because these were all objects belonging to his brain dead workers. He chuckled and continued to eat, staring at the things that would so _cheerily _remind him of his mistakes in partners.

_7) Sloth_

There was a problem facing the Joker, but he didn't want to solve it just yet. How was he going to get new henchmen? Sure he could wander the streets and try to get some dead beats, but that only meant the large possibility of merely finding more imbeciles. He shook his head and laid back into the soft furniture piece. For now, he'd be lazy. Thugs could wait.

Thoughts came rushing to his head, more forceful than his migraine had. Thoughts about what had occured earlier. And boy did he realize that he had bit off way more than he could chew. Literally, and in only one sense.

_Why did he have to eat so much??? He had never eaten as much in his life! _Now his stomach hurt really badly. And then he couldn't shake the feeling of being _too _lucky that day. He was right out in the open, why hadn't anyone found him? The Batman hadn't caught him. The police hadn't caught him (like the pigs could anyway. Well... excluding _Gordon_...). Why did it all have to end with a head ache and a stomach ache?

The Joker turned and laid down fully, resting his head on the hard arm rest. Then, before drifting off into a cozy slumber, one last thought that was abnormally logical hit his mind...

Maybe Batsy had decided to be lazy, too.

**This took me two random days to finish. Hopefully it was worth your time! And... no... the Joker is _not _fat... just bloated by many food things!**


End file.
